Monday, May 11, 2009


That's the topic for today.
Love to me is something that you can't define at all.
You never knew when you're in love. And when you are, you feel the world is yours. Everything is just perfect in your eyes.
And when you aren't, you feel so left out. No one there for you, just you alone vs the world.

I met this someone, so very special. At least, to me she was, and still is.
But would you force someone when they don't love you? Of course it'll be a 'no'.
The world was mine. My smile became sweeter. Flowers bloom again in my heart.
But now, the world doesn't want me, my smile is bitter, the flowers are dead.
It hurts so much though. But I'm not blaming her or anyone at all.
Because she makes me happy.

It's all because of me. I kept my problems to myself. Didn't tell her at all. Because I've promised I'll be there with her. Don't wanna hurt her, so I kept it from her, I thought of solving it on my own. Totally my fault when I knew she's there for me anytime. I recklessly did the wrong thing.
I wish I can turned back time. But time is love as well. Treasure it or waste it. It's all on you.

And now I decided to back off from this place. Because I hurt the most important person to me.
I'm in vain, I'm weak again. I can't stand on my own foot. I'm not begging for her forgiveness, I want her forgiveness. I don't need her love, I'm dying for her love. Damn, now this is killing me.
I wanna see her face, see her laugh, and even see her sing a song for me. I still owe her a song as well.

This is part of the lyrics that I wrote but now it's no use anymore...

...because I want her happy
...and I love her smile

I have no more idea on what to write. My mind's so messed up right now. I don't want goodbye.

Lucky I still have my blog to express everything.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Total Dipshit I Was

A bad day for me.
The worst to be more accurate.
Because of my silly annoying attitude.
I've ruined everything away.
When I was feeling so happy. Things turned out to be different.
And there's no way of turning back.
I really hope I can do it, because I need that someone back.
Now I'm dedicating this back to her...

"All my sorrows flew away
Hush keep quiet hear me say
I don't ever want you to go
Please stay..."

I know it's too late, but everything for me is never too late.
I'll try my best and fix everything.
This I promise because I've promised I'll protect everything.
I'm a dipshit and I know that.
A 'sorry' can't fix everything...
But it's not my mouth that wanna say sorry.
My heart told me to say that.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Happy Again

Hi, I'm back.
I'll have a paper later morning.
So before I continue revision.
I wanna write something inside.
The topic is 'Happy Again'.
Yeah, since yesterday, I was very happy.
Something nice happened to me.
And I mean it. Very nice.
Thanks yeah to that particular person.
For making me so happy.
You make my world goes round and round.
A million words to describe you, but I can't even type anything to picture you.
Well, it's ok though.
Lemme keep it to myself bout how special you are.
Hurmm, I think I'll continue my revision now.
But will be back soon yeah.
Wish me luck later morning.
Good bye.

Thanks fore reading.Muah muah!!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Story of a Story-teller

Hi friends, I'm back.
Time passes by so quick. Just realized that this semester is finally coming to an end.
I may not be able to see some of the faces I've been with next semester.
Especially to BUDDY, I wish you guys all the best. Congratulations in advance for your upcoming graduation. I will miss you guys so much. Friends and brothers you are to me. Knowing all of you was very fun. I hope that we can meet again some time.

And to some of them, I wish you all the best and looking forward to see you guys again. This semester was the best moment I've ever experienced at my campus. I made so many friends. And thanks for that. I really appreciate you guys for taking your time to know me. I will treasure it. My coursemates are the best. Especially to 'Geng Mumaiyiz'. You girls are the greatest. You rock my word, you shake my world, and you make me dance. Hahahaha. Thanks yeah for everything.

And to my so-called brother and sisters, what can I say more. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! You make me feel like home. Always there for me, laugh with me, pampering me. Aaahhh, all of you are so sweet. I am really looking forward to see all of you again the upcoming semester. So we can hang around more and more and more until we realized the world is ours. Hahaha. Kak Siti, Kak Izza, Kak Gee and Jai. Hahahaha. See you again next semester!!!

That is all about what I want to talk about this time. Will be back soon.
Thanks for reading. Love you guys and girls. Muah muah muah!!!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

When Mood Is Shaking

Currently I'm falling down.
Because of something that I think it's best if I keep it to myself.
Everything seems so wrong from A to Z, from 1 to 10.
I can't do anything at all. Because my mind is intoxicated.
I feel so fucked up, up to now where I'm still posting this.
I don't want to ask for any help, because it's my own problems.
What's the point of causing problem to others when it has nothing to do with them.
It's not that I don't trust them. I love them so much that I don't to trouble them at any costs.
That's why I'm keeping it to myself.
Yeah, I do suck a lot. But that's me. I can't change it. It has been running in my blood for this 21 years ++ I have lived.
So to all my friend, sorry if I looked different. I just hope you'll be there.
Even though you don't know what's wrong, at least you're there for me in my hard times.
This won't last long. I'll be back for sure.
And when that time comes, I'll laugh again. I'll smile again. And I'll be ruining this world again.

Thanks for reading. Will be back later.

Tomorrow aku mo pergi bandar, mo release tension...Cehh...Huhuhu...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Futsal by Buddy

Yesterday was a fun time for me, my friends and all the BUDDY's.
For sure, yesterday will remain in me forever. We played futsal together. And the whole game was filled with joy and laughter. Even though some of us(including me) is not that good in playing futsal(or even never been for an exercise), all of us came and played together. It was very fun. At first, I didn't plan to play with them. But after a while, everyone insisted to go. And hell, who want to be left alone. So I came as well.

And yeah, we didn't criticize each other. Everyone was having fun. We never stopped laughing. Even though I was so tired like shit, I can still laugh because that game was quite fun. I remembered my friend at my hometown. We used to play futsal together as well, but I'm not that good in that sport. We played just for fun. But yesterday was more than that. It's not that I'm comparing my friends here and at my hometown back there. But yeah, friends here are different. We're not from the same state, but everyone is just so close. Being with them does make me happy all the time. The world goes round and round. Hahaha.

But this semester will be the last for some of them. So we won't be seeing each other again, or it will be hard to see them to be more accurate. But that's okay though. Because friendship is from the inside. I'll be sure to keep them forever in my memory. We've done a lot of things together, we share the same interests, sometimes we share our problems, we shared our hardship, and everything. The bond is so strong.

Yeah, I guess it's true after all. Friendship is really important in our life. It will be hard to move forward without people who keep supporting us. Our journey in this world is quite far. We won't reach the end just by ourselves. We do need friends. Who will be there for us when we're up, and when we're down.

So, that's all for my post today. Shit, quite touching for me. Hahaha. Thanks for reading. Catch you guys and girls later. Love you all.
Muah Muah Muah!!!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Music Magic Mystic

I'm back again. I was forcing myself to go to sleep but I failed. I don't know what's bothering inside. But hey, it's okay. I'll pour everything, what's in my mind right now. I'm going to the next topic, which is about music. Or about my involvement in music to be more accurate.

I started this band thingy when I was in my school. About 4 years maybe. But a lot has happened in that 4 years. So here's how the story goes.

When I first entered Form 6, I knew nothing about music. Yeah, hell I knew nothing. But I was interested in playing music instruments at that time. So I started with a guitar. Mom didn't say anything or stopping me at that time. She even gave me the money to buy that guitar. So I started with an ordinary wooden guitar. Well, I'm a beginner. Hahaha. So from there, I took a lot of time to learn how to play that thing. Damn was so hard.
And the man behind all that(my music teacher(s)) are BENONI, ABANG AKHMAS and MY UNCLE(ISMAIL BOLHI).
Benoni is a vocalist in his own band(THE GRENADES). He taught me how to play guitar and he was my vocal teacher as well.
Abang Akhmas is my own cousin and my bestfriend. This guy was in a band that changed it's name frequently. From Sesame Street, Odd Slumber Friday(the band I was in) and THE FRIDAY(just an alter name for O.S.F).
My uncle was my inspiration. A great man in music. Super good with music instruments. His band won a lot of competitions and got so many invitations to do stage-performing. He was in Tribal Tone(the name for the music studio that they used to hang out) as a guitarist and vocalist. Currently he is playing for Founding Father, with some members of Tribal Tone still play with him.

How I can be involved in music scene. Here's the answer. I was a still a learner back then. Odd Slumber Friday(OSF) was finding for a bassist at that time. It should be filled by me, but I was still learning. So they found a bassist. Meaning I failed to join the band. But something happened in the middle. There was no vocalist for the band at that time. It should be filled by Abang Akhmas himself, but he turned down that offer. So they offered me a chance. We went for a practice, and after a few sessions of practice, everyone agreed to accept me as the lead vocalist for the band. And hey, I accepted it. My first band that was. Odd Slumber Friday, a 5 piece band. A pop punk band. Somewhere in the middle, the lineup for the band changed because of a little conflict among us. So we got ourselves in our new lineup.
Here's the lineup for this band :
Me Myself - Lead vocalist
Abang Norhickman/Man - 1st guitarist
Abang Akhmas/Amas - 2nd guitarist
Badrul - Bassist(but he got out from the band in the middle)
Hafizuddin - Bassist(our new member)
Jasmi/Min - Drummer
We joined quite a lot of gigs and shows together. Some of it was Tribute to Modern Rock Part 2 and Go Why Town Rock!!
This band split up because all of us were going separate ways at that time. It was goodbye, but I heard that this band is revived by Abang Akhmas and he got himself new band members(including Man - his own brother). I wish all the best for them!!! This band was the bomb!!! I love them.

Next band, 2nd Floor. This is my band at UMSKAL. Coldplay is this band's biggest influence. And all the band members made me realised how wonderful Coldplay is. Even though I joined this band just for a short time, it was really fun because all the band members are really supportive. As long as we're having fun spreading music, that's what matters. I do love this band for sure.
I didn't know but I heard that this band changed their lineup for a number of times as well.
Me myself - Lead Vocalist
Faizal/ Pejal@Buddy - 1st guitarist
Pakko - 2nd guitarist
Zwan - Bassist
Jai - Drummer
We joined Borneo Bandhunter but we didn't win. But at least we get to know each other closer and we made a strong bond. That's what BUDDY really is. I'm looking forward and I'm willing to play with them anytime. Love you guys.

After a certain period, I didn't have any band. So I started playing my own music, which is acoustic. It was my own project and I name myself Teddy Bear & Ghost Stories. I'm still using that name and this one is still going currently. Even that I'm all alone, I will be playing because music to me is passion. It's not the popularity I'm chasing, it's the passion for music I'm searching for.

Other than that, I played with my own brother as well. He's playing acoustic as well. But we do work together sometimes. So I played as a guitarist and vocalist for his acoustic band, Jack and the Axe @ Jack, Not Hijack. We're trying to record our own music currently and we already covered quite a number of songs.

Teddy Bear & Ghost Stories and Jack and the Axe @ Jack, not Hijack is actually a home project. Everything is done by ourselves with our own instruments, softwares, capital, etc. Other than that, we do have our own songs as well such as A Friend Worth A..., Tanpa Rasa Peduli, Get Back Home and Lagu Buat Mama.

I do accept invitation as well. Other than those I have written above. I played for Fun Guy Freaks and Founding Father as well. As a vocalist. Why do I have to sing all the time*sigh*. I played for this band at Malam Apresiasi Muzik on the 31th December 2008.

That was quite an experience for me. And this not full stop yet. Because I'm still going for it. Music is love and I still want to spread the good words with music. So whatever bands I'm in, I will try my very best.

Thanks for reading. Love you all. Catch you guys and girls later.
P/S : Kanny Ong, Mek sikpat post request tak lok. Tunggu2 jak k?. Hehehe.